blogspot-- gurl,almost forgot bout ya

10 things you love:
-australian accents
-how ghetto black people talk
-the good Word
-movies
-calvin&hobbes
-snow
-baseball
-fine art
-sports center
-chopin

9 things people probably don’t know about me:
-i am most outgoing and open with my family only. they see the dorkiest dork part of my character. they know the true shameless charissa aka the hyper elementary lanky tomboy that loved watching xmen and pokemon with her brothers and tried so hard to impress her dad by throwing a football as well as christian did at mondauk park
-i like things patriotic and american like hot dogs and baseball and red, white, and blue. maybe it's the whole living in pennsylvania for five years thing
-i observe a lot in the classroom. is that creepy?
-i read the Bible every morning
-my first best friend was this kid named clayton in kindergarten. my older brother and his older brother were in little league together so we'd go to their games and poke the umpire's butt with sticks through the holes in the wired gates
-i like to listen how people talk. tells a lot about them
-i always thought energy drinks tasted disgusting. i just convinced myself that they tasted good in jr high because all my friends drank them all the time and claimed they were the greatest. it confused this quizzical mind of mine. oh and speaking of jr high... i like reminiscing on my wannabe emo stage where i only wore volcom and always wore my black rimmed glasses and listened to rise against all the time. sweeeeeet.
-people tell me a lot that i seem carefree at the most. i think it's cus God's given me a peace in my heart that a lot of people around me are constantly searching for
-i really can't stand uptight, high-maintenance, can't-take-a-chill-pill girls my age. ehhh. but then again, i don't relate well to most of the people around me. still find myself getting so confused by the things people say and do.

8 ways to win your heart:
-God as his first and greatest love
-integrity and morally upright
-damn funny
-man of few words as they call it
-not ignorant of the world. good amount of intelligence
-athletic. not those lanky guys with large neckholes and hair tucked behind their ears who's abilities are limited to taking awkward pictures of themselves in their grandma's gardens
-can beat batman and cyclops in the coolness factor

7 awesome movies:
-kill bill 1& 2
-billy elliot
-ratatouille
-inglorious basterds
-crash
-saving private ryan
-boondock saints

6 things you do before you go to bed:
-make a sandwich
-chat with obama
-save the world
-dance a jig
-kiss a pig
-oh and most important... floss

5 people who mean a lot right now:
-mama
-fatha
-christian
-calecale
-esther

4 reasons you’re in the mood you are right now:
-world cup korea vs argentina game
-isss summaaa
-away from home away from brea away away FINALLY!!
-cus caleb makes these rare hilarious comments that keep me grounded

3 places you’d rather be:
-austrAIleeyaah
-spain
-africa

2 things you want to do before you die:
-photograph africa
-spread God's redeeming hope

1 confession:
-i've always thought dimitri from anastasia was extremely attractive

painter

"today i am more confident, my heart is open to hope, i have faith in myself. no, the laborious studies i work at are not useless, the road i am following is a good one, and with the help of God, i shall achieve glory, a just and a pure glory."

-william bouguereau

epiphane. or however you spell it

i have to stop stating the obvious

and start thinking about what i say

cus words are valuable

yeahhh hopefully that goes well

i tend to just ramble

i like books again

Thoughts

i love the smell of winter. it reminds me of 204 woodside circle dresher, pennsylvania 92821. ha! still crystal clear in mah HEAD. i miss putting little doggy gloves on cinnamon and running outside in the snow with him released. he'd eat the snow and there would be white powder all over his muzzle. i feel somewhat conceited saying this but cinnamon is undoubtedly the cutest four-legged creature on earth. he likes winter too, i can tell

christmas lights too, they make me happy.

and jazzy christmas music. kenny g's altosax: so beautiful, it makes me wanna cry. probably the rush of nostalgia. i like how my mom's so loyal to the music she likes. like norah jones, i remember listening to it over and over and over again when i was in elementary school. she'll always be my favorite, i think. that one cd at least, i don't know her newer stuff.

there are those days where i love rock n roll and baseball and feel like snowboarding down a mountain during a hella crazy snowstorm

and there are those days where i like sitting in the car with my mom listening to bach cello sonata in the rain, talking about my childhood and God and her art and how my taste in clothing is turning into her's when she was in college. and it's like, we can just sit there and spend the whole day together doing nothing and i'd feel like i accomplished more than when i do something "productive."

and i like to roll around on the floor with cinnamon being a crazy freako four year old. cinnamon likes my childish side. i do too.

i don't like finding myself acting more mature than i am.

i love being in the midst of people who are unbelievably into themselves. it's seriously amuses me so much, just sitting there quietly listening to incredibly self-absorbed friends or strangers talk. they're constantly cutting the other person off, adding how the conversation relates to themselves or an experience they had. and when they talk, they don't even have that spark of realization in their eye that they're having a conversation with another live, listening, unique human being whose thoughts and emotions and physical body structure are the only ones of its kind in the universe. the self-absorbed person just goes on and on and on as if they're talking to some robot.

it's sad, really.

i have the bad habit of actually listening to them and acting as if i'm as interested in the topic as they are. i like to listen, and i like to notice those things that people don't notice. like in a big crowded room i like fixing my concentration on the little girl in the background that no one notices struggling to find her mom or something. then i would simultaneously look for her mom (which is obvious, cus she'd have that worried, frantic look on her face), and if the little girl comes up to me, i'd be like "your mom's right there" *point* and they'd meet and hurry off into wherever they're planning to do. and then it's like, sweet, i just saved them a bunch of time.

isn't it crazy how the thoughts of wittle tiny children can be so profound? i like to babysit and teach at church cus i get so amused as to what they say. a lot of their words come from their natural humanlike desire to benefit themselves. but it's crazy, it's like what they say is basically what we all think once in a while. we're just too self-conscious and covered up in what makes us "us" to really say it.

i guess that's why i like reading on people's thoughts so much. everyone's thoughts are different, but they all add up to what makes our humankind what it is. a little bit of jealousy here, love here, self-ambition here.. we can all relate to it. and when someone says they don't like a certain individual or group of people, it's like dude.. we're all the same. sorta. idk i guess not really but. looking at it from a christian point of view, it's like humans, God. we were all made to be like God, we became sinful. Christ died for us so that we could have a direct relationship with God once again, and for us to be new creations. or idk NEW new creations. and now we have the choice of accepting Christ as our Savior and becoming God's children. and our lives are meant for glorifying God and loving the family of Christ and loving nonbelievers and sharing in this hope of new life.

looking at it from that point of view, it's like.. WHO CARES. about making the best image for ourselves. about always getting your point across. about buying the latest clothes to keep up with teen vogue, about all that cheesy "live the life you love, love the life you live", about finding superficial, ridiculous "love" in freaking ninth grade, about just self-indulging every minute, moment, day of your life.

heard this somewhere.. "why do the forgiven refuse to forgive?" wWurD.

okay well anyways, i sound like i'm preaching. hey, i guess i am. don't people hate that? yes they do, but whatever.

i'm in a rare ranting mood, and i have homework to finish, but i'm not gonna let this mood go to waste. ha ha ha funnnyyyy charissa

"to live is Christ, to die is gain"

contemplative

Thirteen random things you like:
1. snow
2. jazzy christmas music
3. little puppies
4. norah jones
5. baseball
6. films
7. LIFE magazine photography
8. norman rockwell
9. Bible verses
10. laughing
11. electric guitar
12. warmth
13. lemon bars

Twelve good movies:
1. billy elliot
2. ratatouille
3. boondock saints
4. amelie
5. hero (that one chinese movie)
6. nacho libre
7. i need to watch more movies
8. hm
9. hm
10. hhhmmmm

eleven good bands/artists:
1. weezer
2. red hot chili peppers
3. the shins
4. norah jones
5. frank sinatra
6. amy winehouse
7. crystal castles
8. the strokes
9. feist
10. yeah yeah yeahs
11. ratatat

ten things about you ... physically:

1. connected ear lobes
2. double jointed fingers
3. uneven eyes
4. straight front bangs
5. long arms
6. oval face
7. eyes that chinkafy when i smile
8. rough hands
9. lanky legs
10. uneven smile

Nine good friends:

1. christian
2. caleb
3. grace
4. steph j
5. connie
6. jean
7. esther
8. michelle
9. robin

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
1. pasta
2. korean food (and i mean errthang)
3. foamy lattes
4. peach n cream boba from guppy's
5. brea's best cheeseburgers
6. desserts
7. sushi
8. chicken

seven items you wear daily:
1. under.. garments
2. shoes. rainbows or hightops probably.
3. pants. skirts and dresses are rare. very rare.
4. i prefer t shirts
5. second piercings
6. glasses. at school
7. A SMILE

Six things that annoy you:
1. cinnamon's occasional howling sessions
2. when you want to cry so you can't speak cus you're all choked up
3. flying bugs that buzz past your ear over and over again
4. people that don't listen
5. not being able to fall asleep
6. having an itch you can't itch

Five things you touch everyday:
1. toothbrush
2. my hair
3. pencil or pen
4. phone
5. toilet paper

Four shows you watch:
1. that 70's show
2. the office
3. i think that's it
4. i really don't watch tv

Three places you go regularly:
1. bathroom
2. school
3. brother's room. my second home.

Two of your favorite books:
1. what's so amazing about grace
2. the house on mango street

One person you want to see right now:
1. daddy

i just felt like doing one of these. just to remind myself who charissa is again. seems like i'm thinking too much these days.. i wanna be six years old again.

so today i was walking home from sat tutor. and i was crossing the big street near birch and a car honked. i look and these three guys yell "smile!" and make a smiling motion with their hands and face. and i look at them and i don't smile. hahaha i just thought that was funny. but it's actually not.. maybe i should've smiled. instead of looking like some anti-social emo asian girl.

i realized that i'm a fairly independent person. but i'd probably break down without my mom. i hope i become like her one day.

adventures in ap lit

this post is dedicated to RONES whoever he is. he's not that important. anyways.

charissa walked into her ap lit classroom expecting to see her incredibly short, asian, repetitive, slow-speaking language arts teacher. but instead she saw a blonde lady. charissa walked to her desk, turned around and, unlike other days, saw a strange filipino boy wearing a sweater. after the blonde lady talked, charissa told the filipino boy that he was over-dramatic and should be an actor because he always spazzed out and opened his eyes really big. she asked politely for him to draw a picture of her. but after he refused several times, she started to demand it. he instead, drew a pathetic dinky doodle of her. she got mad. her best friend came to the rescue and drew a detailed before and after portrait of charissa but charissa got mad cus the picture sucked. the filipino boy let charissa see his moleskin sketchbook (which is really made out the skin of moles, he told her) and she was amazed at his super-cool drawings like the one with panda express and his dad. later on, the filipino boy explained to charissa of his fighting experiences throughout highschool like the one with the egg. charissa was like woah dang. she wished she could've seen the incident with her own eyes. then the bell rang and that's it. further details are not as important as the ones i have written.
el fin.

charcoal on my face
hands are black as coal
back aches
neck is tense and sore
it's been a while since i've stared at the same little square inch for so long
erasing and marking a million times over
what i am visualizing is not becoming palpable
on the paper in front of me
covered in smudges and lines and marks

but it's okay. this is fun.