Thoughts

i love the smell of winter. it reminds me of 204 woodside circle dresher, pennsylvania 92821. ha! still crystal clear in mah HEAD. i miss putting little doggy gloves on cinnamon and running outside in the snow with him released. he'd eat the snow and there would be white powder all over his muzzle. i feel somewhat conceited saying this but cinnamon is undoubtedly the cutest four-legged creature on earth. he likes winter too, i can tell

christmas lights too, they make me happy.

and jazzy christmas music. kenny g's altosax: so beautiful, it makes me wanna cry. probably the rush of nostalgia. i like how my mom's so loyal to the music she likes. like norah jones, i remember listening to it over and over and over again when i was in elementary school. she'll always be my favorite, i think. that one cd at least, i don't know her newer stuff.

there are those days where i love rock n roll and baseball and feel like snowboarding down a mountain during a hella crazy snowstorm

and there are those days where i like sitting in the car with my mom listening to bach cello sonata in the rain, talking about my childhood and God and her art and how my taste in clothing is turning into her's when she was in college. and it's like, we can just sit there and spend the whole day together doing nothing and i'd feel like i accomplished more than when i do something "productive."

and i like to roll around on the floor with cinnamon being a crazy freako four year old. cinnamon likes my childish side. i do too.

i don't like finding myself acting more mature than i am.

i love being in the midst of people who are unbelievably into themselves. it's seriously amuses me so much, just sitting there quietly listening to incredibly self-absorbed friends or strangers talk. they're constantly cutting the other person off, adding how the conversation relates to themselves or an experience they had. and when they talk, they don't even have that spark of realization in their eye that they're having a conversation with another live, listening, unique human being whose thoughts and emotions and physical body structure are the only ones of its kind in the universe. the self-absorbed person just goes on and on and on as if they're talking to some robot.

it's sad, really.

i have the bad habit of actually listening to them and acting as if i'm as interested in the topic as they are. i like to listen, and i like to notice those things that people don't notice. like in a big crowded room i like fixing my concentration on the little girl in the background that no one notices struggling to find her mom or something. then i would simultaneously look for her mom (which is obvious, cus she'd have that worried, frantic look on her face), and if the little girl comes up to me, i'd be like "your mom's right there" *point* and they'd meet and hurry off into wherever they're planning to do. and then it's like, sweet, i just saved them a bunch of time.

isn't it crazy how the thoughts of wittle tiny children can be so profound? i like to babysit and teach at church cus i get so amused as to what they say. a lot of their words come from their natural humanlike desire to benefit themselves. but it's crazy, it's like what they say is basically what we all think once in a while. we're just too self-conscious and covered up in what makes us "us" to really say it.

i guess that's why i like reading on people's thoughts so much. everyone's thoughts are different, but they all add up to what makes our humankind what it is. a little bit of jealousy here, love here, self-ambition here.. we can all relate to it. and when someone says they don't like a certain individual or group of people, it's like dude.. we're all the same. sorta. idk i guess not really but. looking at it from a christian point of view, it's like humans, God. we were all made to be like God, we became sinful. Christ died for us so that we could have a direct relationship with God once again, and for us to be new creations. or idk NEW new creations. and now we have the choice of accepting Christ as our Savior and becoming God's children. and our lives are meant for glorifying God and loving the family of Christ and loving nonbelievers and sharing in this hope of new life.

looking at it from that point of view, it's like.. WHO CARES. about making the best image for ourselves. about always getting your point across. about buying the latest clothes to keep up with teen vogue, about all that cheesy "live the life you love, love the life you live", about finding superficial, ridiculous "love" in freaking ninth grade, about just self-indulging every minute, moment, day of your life.

heard this somewhere.. "why do the forgiven refuse to forgive?" wWurD.

okay well anyways, i sound like i'm preaching. hey, i guess i am. don't people hate that? yes they do, but whatever.

i'm in a rare ranting mood, and i have homework to finish, but i'm not gonna let this mood go to waste. ha ha ha funnnyyyy charissa

"to live is Christ, to die is gain"